Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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