I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
