so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize