i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I smell stomach acid.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
