Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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