well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
