If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
