Only a mothe r could love this liver
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
