The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
