Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
