So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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