he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
