It's Friday. Sex?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So squirting runs in the family.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
