A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Shame - the story of my life.
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