I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
