and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
