Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
how does that bad decision feel?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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