Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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