how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
high people should be assigned attendants
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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