she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize