Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a search helicopter?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
