drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
