I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize