I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
