based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
this hospital has no fireball
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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