I smell stomach acid.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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