That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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