Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
