So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
