Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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