i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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