At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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