:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
