The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
