I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
