i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
