I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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