Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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