He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
