is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
