I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
