I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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