so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
