3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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