Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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