I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
