I think i peed on brittanys purse
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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