you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
