I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do vagina's smell?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
