I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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