gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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