I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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