rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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