ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
