The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
