So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
