Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
