Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize