Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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