at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
