Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
These tits shall not be calmed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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