just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
