so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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