Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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