Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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