She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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