you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm passing your future prison.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Randomize
