I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
