Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dear god my vagina.
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