its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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