I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I CAN MOONWALK!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
