Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
