I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
