I cannot find my penis.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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