There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
