I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
