i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
