tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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