Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
